


Five Times Agatha Didn't Know about Simon and Baz (And One Time She Did)

by McBangle



Series: Agatha Finds It All Out [2]
Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: 5+1 Things, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Flirting by way of sneering, Humor, M/M, Simon is shite with technology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 07:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7035013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McBangle/pseuds/McBangle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All those times she caught Simon staring at Baz, Simon covering it up by muttering something about Baz plotting something. Trying to catch Baz's attention only to find his eyes rooted squarely on Simon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Agatha Didn't Know about Simon and Baz (And One Time She Did)

**1\. 4th year**

“No.” Simon won’t stop shaking his head. “No _bloody_ way am I working with Baz on this assignment.”

“What’s wrong, Snow? Afraid of getting high marks for once?” Baz sneers. His arms are crossed and his feet are propped up on the library table. Simon swats at Baz’s feet.

“Simon,” Penny explains patiently, “Miss Possibelf said that she chose the pairs for this assignment in order to balance out both partners’ strengths and weaknesses.”

Baz snorts. “ _My_ strengths and _Snow’s_ weaknesses.”

Penny continues, ignoring him. “Besides, working with Baz could help your grades. He has the second-highest marks in Magic Words.” 

“ _Highest_ marks, Bunce,” Baz corrects her. Penny sticks out her tongue at their dark-haired classmate.

Simon shakes his head again. “Baz would probably find a way to fix it so that he got high marks and I failed.” His eyes widen and he points a finger at Baz. “This… this is all a plot of yours, isn’t it? You arranged… somehow… to get Miss Possibelf to assign us to work together. I don’t know what your plan is, but when I figure it out…”

Baz snorts again. “Yes, that’s what I spend my nights thinking about. Getting assigned to work with my idiot roommate on a Magic Words assignment. What a dream come true! Being forced to work with my worst enemy every day for the rest of the term. Spending every evening tutoring him on the most basic of concepts instead of on the football pitch…” a strange look crosses Baz’s face. “…Which obviously is where I’d rather be,” he finishes.

“Basil, if you don’t want to work with Simon, I would work with you instead,” Agatha offers. Three heads swivel to look at her. Apparently they had all forgotten that she had been standing right there, alongside them, throughout the entire conversation. Typical. Simon looks horror-stricken. Penny fixes an assessing gaze on her. Baz looks from Agatha to Simon, and then back to Agatha, intrigued.

“Brilliant idea, Wellbelove.” Baz shines his most charming smile on Agatha. “We’re obviously well suited to each other.” Agatha blushes. 

Simon goes red in the face. “You leave her alone!”

“This is a two-person assignment, Snow,” Baz explains smoothly. “You obviously don’t intend to work with me, so I’ve identified a suitable alternative. I suggest you do the same. You really should give more care to your marks.”

Simon is fuming. Agatha can feel his magic coming off of him in waves. It’s… disorienting.

“Fine,” Simon bites out. “I’ll work with you. But I’ll be watching you the entire time.”

“I’m terrified, I’m sure,” Baz sneers, checking his cuticles.

\---

**2\. 5th year**

“… At three o’clock sharp, but my parents will be here at half two. You’ll sit with them during the match, of course, and entertain them while I’m changing into my frock after the match. And Simon, please remember to wear a suit this time. They’re taking us out to dinner straightaway after the match, and if they have to wait for you to return to your room to change, then they’ll try to talk with me while I’m changing and you know they drive me absolutely… Simon?”

Agatha sighs. Simon hasn’t heard a single word she’s said. He’s staring intensely across the dining hall, and she doesn’t need to check to know who he’s looking at. 

“Simon!” she says sharply. That gets Simon’s attention. He gives a little jump. “My parents are coming to my lacrosse match this afternoon, and taking us out for dinner after. I’ve been telling you about it, but you’ve been too busy staring at Baz to listen to me.”

Simon cringes. “He’s plotting something… I don’t know what it is, but he’s been acting shifty and wandering the grounds every night.”

Agatha sighs. “I know he’s plotting something, Simon, you tell me that every day. He’s been plotting something all year, maybe even since we were first years, according to you. But is it too much to ask that you take a few hours out of monitoring your arch nemesis to pay a little attention to your girlfriend?”

Simon ducks his head apologetically. “I’m sorry, Ags. Tell me what to do and where to go and what to wear, and I’ll do it. I want to be a good boyfriend to you. I just… get distracted, sometimes.”

Agatha touches Simon’s hand. “You are a good boyfriend, Simon. Probably the best I could ever hope for.” 

If only that were enough.

\---

**3\. 6th year**

Agatha and Simon whirl about the dance floor. Simon looks resplendent in the suit that Agatha had picked out for him. Agatha should be delighted. They’re the most attractive couple in the room, and inarguably the most important. All eyes in the room are on them, no doubt. She searches the room for the only set of eyes that matter.

There. Artfully slouching against the wall, flanked by Dev and Niall, Baz stares holes through Agatha and Simon. 

Simon follows Agatha’s gaze, his eyes narrowing when he spots Baz. “What’s that git up to?” he growls.

As if he’s heard Simon (he couldn’t have, could he? From all the way across a crowded room, with music playing? Impossible, surely), Baz straightens and walks directly toward Simon and Agatha.

“May I have this dance, Wellbelove?” Basil asks in the charming voice that he seems to reserve for special occasions. Agatha’s heart skips a beat.

“No.” Simon retorts before Agatha even has a chance to open her mouth.

“I don’t believe I was addressing you, Snow.” Baz turns to face Simon. “Perhaps the lady would prefer to dance with someone who doesn’t step on her foot every other note.”

“Agatha doesn’t want to dance with a monster,” Simon spits out, his face reddening. 

“Monster? Snow, you wound me,” Baz smirks, his hand on his heart.

Simon and Baz both glare at each other. For a discussion of who Agatha wants to dance with, there’s been surprisingly little conversation with her or eye contact toward her.

“I think I’m going to sit the rest of this dance out,” Agatha interjects. Simon and Baz both turn to face her, shocked. “I’m thirsty. I’m going to get some punch.”

“I’ll get punch for you, Agatha!” Simon volunteers. “Wait here, I’ll bring it right back.”

“Snow, what a charming lapdog you make,” Baz sneers.

“No, don’t Simon,” Agatha protests, ignoring the “lapdog” comment. “I need to get some air. By myself. The two of you can argue without me.”

Agatha should have felt thrilled to have Simon and Basil arguing over her, but something felt… not right. It wasn’t what she wanted, not how she wanted it. It didn’t feel like they were arguing over her at all.

\---

**4\. 7th year**

Agatha runs through the Wavering Wood. What did she just see? Simon has been telling everyone who will listen about his theory that Baz is a vampire, but he couldn’t be… could he?

“Wellbelove! Wellbelove, wait!” Baz calls from behind her then suddenly, impossibly, stands in front of her. How can anyone possibly move that fast?

“That was not… that was not what it looked like. Please, you can’t… it’s not what you think.” Baz places his cold hands on Agatha’s shoulders. Agatha should feel revulsion and terror, but when she looks in his eyes, he is the one who looks terrified and panicky. Why in the world would Basilton Grimm-Pitch be terrified of _her_? 

Basil glances at something over Agatha’s shoulder, then turns back to Agatha with a softer expression than she ever dreamed she’d see on him. He grasps both of her hands and takes a step closer to her. Agatha takes a shuddering gasp. “Agatha… please… I need…”

“DON’T YOU TOUCH HER!” Simon’s magic hits her like a brick wall. It’s intoxicating.

Baz looks over Agatha’s head at Simon with a smirk. “What’s the matter, Snow? Jealous?”

Agatha whirls to face Simon, still holding Basil’s hands. Penelope’s tugging on Simon’s hand because _of course she is_. “Simon, it’s not-”

And then Simon and Penelope just – disappear. Off to fight the Humdrum, no doubt. Agatha knows, from ample experience, what she’s meant to do now. Head back across the drawbridge to wait for Simon. Look pretty and give him a hero’s welcome when he returns. Nurse his wounds, if he has any. But Morgana, it hardly seems to matter when Basil is holding her hands and looking at her the way she’s always wanted him to! Agatha turns expectantly toward Basil…

He drops her hands unceremoniously. Gawps open-mouthed at the spot where Simon and Penelope had stood just a moment earlier. “What the fuck just happened to Snow?” he asks, before stalking away.

\---

**5\. 8th year**

Agatha is sitting by herself, still getting used to not sitting with Simon and Penny, when the doors to the dining hall fly open. Eight weeks into the school term, Baz walks into the dining hall as if absolutely nothing were out of the ordinary. 

Agatha’s mug slips from her fingers, crashing to the floor. She finds herself on her feet. She’s not thinking about the mug, not thinking about Simon, not thinking about anything but _Baz. Baz is here. After eight weeks, Baz is here._

And where in the world has he been all this time? How dare he just walk in, looking so _cool_ , and why hasn’t he even noticed her yet? He walks over to Dev and Niall, fills up a plate, even takes the time to sneer at Simon and Penny. Typical. Simon Snow is the most important person in any room, even apparently to his own nemesis.

Just when Agatha has given up on Baz so much as recognizing her presence, he turns and fixes her with a long, cool look.

What is she even supposed to make of that? What does that even mean? Would it be too much to ask to hope that one boy, just one boy, could like her in a simple, straightforward manner?

\---

**+1. Today**

Agatha sighs. This… this is probably a terrible decision. There was a reason, a very good reason, why she’d avoided this for so long. And yet here she goes, walking back into the metaphorical lion’s den. She sighs again, her thumb hovering over her phone, takes a deep breath, and taps the icon.

She hears the familiar series of beeps. It seems to be lasting a bit longer than it ordinarily does with Minty, but she’s grateful for the opportunity to double-check her hair and makeup while she waits. 

Finally, the beeping stops and she hears a voice she hasn’t heard in over a year. 

“Agatha? Agatha, yeh, is that you? Why can’t I see anything? Penny, I thought you said we would see her.” The screen, which ought to show their faces, is grey except for the miniature square on the lower right displaying Agatha’s face. 

“Simon?” Agatha asks. “I’m here! Can you hear me?”

“Agatha, yeh, where are you? Pen, why can’t we see her?” Simon sounds confused. Agatha hears the muffled sounds of a disagreement in the background. “Penny, stop arguing with Baz and come over here and help me with this thing!”

Agatha sighs. “Simon, do you have video on?”

“…I thought I did…”

“Can you see me, Simon?” 

“…No.”

Agatha shakes her head. It’s actually a bit of a relief to know that some things haven’t changed. “Simon, when you pick up, you have to push the button for video. If you push the phone button, then you can only hear me but can’t see me and I can’t see you. I’m going to hang up now and call back. When I call you back, press the _video_ button. It’s the one that looks like an old-fashioned video camera.”

“I don’t know what that-” Agatha disconnects before Simon finishes his sentence. She laughs. Simon really can be _thick_ sometimes. She taps the icon again to call them back.

It beeps. Again, for far too long. Didn’t she _just_ tell Simon she was going to call him back? What could possibly take so long to answer? Finally, the beeping stops again, and…

Another grey screen. “Simon!”

“Yeh?”

“You answered as a phone call, again! If we’re going to have a video chat, then you need to press the _video_ button!” Agatha exclaims.

“But Agatha, I don’t know what that is!” Simon sounds absolutely desperate.

“Push over, Simon.” Another familiar voice chimes in. _Finally_. “Agatha, I’m sorry. I should have been at the computer when you called. Simon is shite with technology. I’m going to hang up now and call you right back.”

The phone goes black, then, true to Penny’s word, rings again but a moment later. Agatha taps the video button to pick up (was that _really_ so difficult, Simon?). Finally, finally, the screen fills with three faces. To the right, her frizz taking up most of the screen, Penny sits with an exasperated expression, rolling her eyes at Simon, who slumps to the left, looking absolutely confounded. Baz is visible between their two heads, standing several feet behind them with his arms crossed, looking simultaneously unspeakably posh and unspeakably irritated. 

“This would never have happened if we’d used **When I See Your Face**.”

Penny’s face darkens. She turns halfway in her chair to address Baz, but Agatha cuts in before Penny does.

“No. Absolutely not. This is- this is why.” Agatha flushes with sudden anger. This was a mistake, she _knew_ it was a mistake. They had _never_ understood her, never _tried_ to understand her, and they wouldn’t understand her now. “Not- not precisely this, not only this…” she stammers, then explodes. “My phone bloody well works! Your laptop works – even if Simon is shite with it! Video chat. Exists. Some very smart people spent a lot of time and money so we could see each others’ faces on my phone and your computer. You’re so desperate to prove you’re better than everyone else that you don’t even realize you don’t need to waste magic on a spell that does the exact same thing the rest of the world can do with three taps of their fingers!”

The room on the other end of the phone goes silent. Simon straightens up and turns pink at the tips of his ears. Penny slowly turns back to face Agatha, her eyes wide. Baz stands stock still behind them.

“You’re… right, Wellbelove.”

Simon whirls around to face Baz, his wings momentarily filling the screen. “Ow, my eye, Simon! Be careful with those things!” Penny hisses, batting Simon’s wings out of the way.

“You’re right. Your way is simpler.” He tilts his head and quirks an eyebrow at Agatha. He actually looks contrite. “At any rate, we’re not at Watford anymore. I’m living among you Normals now and if I’m going to blend in then I need to learn to act like you lot from time to time.”

Agatha’s heart skips a beat. The last thing she’d expected was to be acknowledged as Normal by Basilton Grimm-Pitch, of all people. She feels momentarily jealous of Simon. She’d forgotten how charming Baz could be, when he wanted to.

“I… I hadn’t meant all of you,” Agatha stammers.

“Wellbelove, it was _obvious_ you were referring to me,” Baz responds, without bitterness.

“It wasn’t you-” Agatha starts, then corrects herself. “Well, yes, it _was_ you, in part, but also it was everything, or a lot of things, a lot of the things that I always hated about Watford, and the World of Mages, and my parents, and just… and just… everything.”

Simon and Penny make sympathetic noises in protest, but Baz nods his head and steps closer to the computer. “You always cut through the shite, Wellbelove. I respect that about you, even if I don’t agree with you.”

Agatha blushes with pleasure.

Simon looks aghast at Baz. “Baz, are you flirting with Agatha?”

Baz rolls his eyes. “Crowley, no, Snow. Why are you constantly accusing me of flirting with your ex-girlfriend? I should think by now you’d be past that.” He glances at the computer screen. “No offence, Wellbelove, but I prefer blokes. Particularly imbecilic blokes who eat like a black hole and have ridiculous wings and a tail. Have you seen the tail, Wellbelove?”

Simon scoffs. “You love the tail.”

Baz smirks at Simon. “Yes, I’d always hoped to date a cartoon devil. It’s a bloody dream come true.”

“Penny,” Agatha asks, “How did we not see this?” Penny turns to face the computer, questioningly. “These two idiots.” 

“ _Two_ idiots? I resent that remark!” Baz interjects.

“They’ve been flirting with each other for years,” Agatha continues, ignoring Baz’s interruption. “Why didn’t we realize that?”

Penny shrugs. “We thought Baz was plotting something.”

“Baz, what were you ‘plotting’ all of those years?” Agatha asks. “How to get Simon to be your boyfriend?”

“Pretty much, yes,” Baz agrees, slinging an arm around Simon’s shoulder. “And it worked, didn’t it?”

“Well, now that you’re being open about it,” Agatha continues, “the next time you two want to make each other jealous, leave me out of it, will you?”

**Author's Note:**

> Agatha Wellbelove, Simon Snow, Baz Grimm-Pitch and Penelope Bunce all belong to Rainbow Rowell.
> 
> I struggled with #4 and #5, and I think it shows. I had what I thought was a pretty good line all planned out for Baz to say to Agatha in the Wavering Wood after Simon and Penny disappeared, but then I re-read Chapter 37 and realized that "What the fuck just happened to Snow?" were Baz's last words to Agatha, so oh well.
> 
> I think I have one more in me. I think Agatha and Simon need to chat a bit more.
> 
> Concrits and Brit-picks much appreciated!


End file.
